Letters (well, blogs) to the universe

I am starting again.

I am looking forward, trying not to plan too much. I am learning to live in the now after thirty years of living anywhere but. I am processing the past and letting it go.

I am writing to the universe in the hope that the universe will help me (not expecting a letter back!).

Oh, and I've started by quitting my job, buying a van, leaving my flat and heading somewhere new.




8. Expectations

Dear Universe,

I think I may be too optimistic. I mean, I grumble a fair amount about little things but I truly think good things will happen and things will go the way I'd hope them to.

I have a totally unrealistic idea of how my day will go each day, a completely ridiculous belief that all my dreams will come true at some point in my life, and a naïve notion that people will be kind, giving and generally awesome. I also have a vivid imagination. Put the optimism and my little fantasy world together and my expectations are hard to meet. Of course, it also means I get pretty disappointed when reality ends up being anything but perfect and properly gutted when reality is an arsehole.

The thing is, I don't want to lose the optimism. I don't think I actually have a choice in the matter but, even if I did, I don't want to be a pessimist, or even just a realist, just to avoid being disappointed.

Visualising positive things, in theory, seems like a good idea. I'm one week away from leaving my life behind, moving away from my home and starting fresh. I definitely need to think positively and hope for beautiful things to come my way. If not, I would be frozen with fear and not brave enough to face what's next. It would also be pretty silly of me to go into this next chapter expecting the worst. Expecting the worst surely opens you up to manifesting bad things. So, where's the right balance? Have I set my expectations too high already? I realise there are going to be some days where I feel lonely, insecure or overwhelmed but I'm still hoping the good will outweigh the bad. Honestly, in my mind's eye I picture everything being marvellous, with nothing but sunshine, sparkles and smiley happy people all around!

Getting ready over the last month has been a perfect example of my expectations and reality not matching at all. I thought things would maybe be a little difficult but ultimately, with a bit of hard work, they'd fall into place. I pictured loads of time contemplating what's next as I wrapped my old life up in a neat little bow. In actual fact, it's been constant hurdles and challenges and I've been an emotional wreck most of the time. It turns out that moving house, selling most my things, finding time to spend with people before I leave, booking travel, dealing with mechanics, sorting out personal admin, packing, dismantling furniture and completing the millions of other things that were on my 'To do' list is pretty exhausting. The thing is, I'm diving in to something completely unknown and I'm scared shitless but, even after this month being pretty difficult, I'm still thinking everything is bound to be fabulous the moment I step into my van and drive away! I reckon it's important I use the optimistic part of my nature to my advantage on this one. I just really hope I haven't built it up so much that, when I get knocked by reality, it hurts more than it should.

Expecting and imagining something fantastic to happen, when you have some control on how to get there, feels healthy. Right? You can create an outcome or a situation for yourself and work hard till you get what you'd like, so that seems sensible. Expecting something fantastic from people around you doesn't seem so sensible though. Maybe I'm wrong but, whenever I expect a situation to play out a certain way that involves other people, it seems to have way more chance of not living up to the reality I've created in my mind. Is the key to go full Sylvia Plath; “If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed.”? That seems a wee bit depressing. Can I hope for people to be amazing and not be disheartened when I get 'okay'? Do I need to stop expecting so much from people? Or, do I just keep going the way I am already; not showing the disappointment but feeling pretty bummed out when people aren't kind, generous and loving all the time!

So, please excuse the amount of waffling it's taken for me to get to the point here, but here's my question for you, Universe.... What should I expect from you? What can I safely daydream? What would be healthy and what would be self-destructive? Give me a nudge in the right direction please. Let me know if I should start lowering my expectations.

Anyhoo, I have one week left and then the journey begins. Expectations aside, whatever comes, I'm sure it will be interesting...



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