I’ve been waking up very early for the last couple of weeks. What’s up with that? To put it into context I am not a morning person... like, at all.
In my head, this time with no work, no schedule and no constant commitments should have meant a time to rest. Rest means sleep to me. I’ve craved rest for years. So, why, when I’ve been yearning for a break and a time to do nothing, am I waking up at 5 in the morning and is my brain immediately switching on with thoughts of everything and nothing?
I think I’ve sussed it. Other than you just being a shit, Universe, I reckon it’s also for a reason. When we break out of routines we start having to consciously make decisions about what we want; what we do with our time and energy, when we do it or even why we are actually doing it in the first place. There’s no choice but to actively decide what you want to do with your time if you don’t have a routine to fall back on. So, if you still have a passion or you are still driven to do something, or anything (or nothing), then you have to purposely do something about it. That’s a lot to think about when you wake up each day!
I reckon my body has worked this out before my thoughts caught up. I think the little sleep I’m getting is because I don’t want to be wasting my days. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t see rest as a waste of time. It’s so important. But maybe I’m not as ready as I thought for that complete relaxation yet.
I’m going to start consciously choosing to be awake, wonder what I’ve got myself into, explore new futures I haven’t thought about before, and plan new things to do with my time and energy. I could even start consciously deciding to drop the ‘I’m not a morning person’. Maybe I am a morning person! Maybe I’ll wake up with the sun, eat grapefruit for breakfast and take up yoga.
Okay, I’m not quite there yet. Grapefruit is the devil. You get the idea though.
All this made me think, I have been given the opportunity to change all sorts of bad habits or ways of thinking that I felt stuck with because I was trapped in a routine. I might not end up as a super-healthy, down-dog-facing, early-morning goddess but I might be able to change some things I’ve been working on for a long time and never quite got a grasp on. Thinking about all that sort of stuff is for another day but here’s what you can do, Universe... don’t let me fall into a fixed routine and if you keep nudging my body in the right direction I’ll try really hard to listen.